back

I have ached for the past me’s for quite some time
I love myself more looking back

growing weeds inside of pots
domestic adjacent

I wish I could afford to be alone but I can’t

I cried again

my skin turned to windows
tinted Blue and green 
I rubbed a dandelion on my wrist

and stared at my hands as they grew bigger 
bigger than my head
swollen like balloons

I found this rock
it reminded me of him
I panicked

then you lost a loved one
and I cried 


Bigger than Nobody

It’s more than a broken heart
It’s a broken head
She picked too much at herself
and she bled again

It all went blurry
knocked her head
lost her glasses
Blurry

To mend it
She must have meant it
to give another day
eat away the hours that she’d saved

Lying to the stars
whispers from afar
bigger than nobody
I never needed these thoughts

The box on my back

I closed that box months before,
I locked it twice and hid the keys,
I thought I didn't need it, so I tried to go and leave it,
But I didn't know the box was made of me.

I let my heart be buried,
I left my brain to dry,
I left my skin as my only defense,
I let myself forget to cry.

The locks weren't broken,
But the keys weren't right
I couldn't get my box open,
I couldn't find a way to fight.

They say it's all the stuff of legends,
That fairytales weren't made for me,
But I'd give my heart to pigeons,
Before I'd let you let me bleed.

I have belief in kinds of God,
A particular illustrated faith,
But they didn't tell me when I got shot,
That praise wouldn't save me from pain.

It's 2 a.m. it's quiet,
It's 3 a.m. it's me,
It's 4 a.m. I'm crying
It's 4 p.m. This can't be 'free'.

The box gets easier to carry,
Though the box is heavier than me,
But I made it my responsibility,
To carry it for me.


stars and hell

If I was a shooting star, would you have followed me farther?
See what kind of wishes I could grant
But wishing only goes so far, when you’re following a shooting star
So maybe, don’t restart

if we're floating in stars and hell will we know which way is up
if we're drowning in each drop of rain will we find a way to stop
I found shattered glass in my eye
I guess I'm losing my good luck

questions

Can only cash take you to heaven
Can only love make you hate
Do you need a receipt for those feelings
Hurry on, before you’re late

You know I’ve never said
What lies in my heart
But that weight is so heavy
I’d for certain fall apart

Does the room seem larger
When you’re sitting here alone
Do you seem any louder
When you’re yelling through your phone

Could you see beyond my boundaries
Did you recognize my strengths
I gave you all the warnings
But still kept you at arm’s length

So, Can only cash take you to heaven
Can only love make you wait
Do you need a refund for those feelings
I guess it was too late.